I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
