I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
