no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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