Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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