I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize