Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
