I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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