Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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