I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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