I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
