glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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