I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Can I color on your dick again?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
