Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you inspire me to be a worse person
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
