dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We were destined to go to rehab together
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
