Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
