are you still at the devil's house?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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