A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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