I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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