You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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