dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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