so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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