Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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