I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
