Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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