I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
