just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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