Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
