I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
