You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I smell like Dick and happiness
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
