You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
