there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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