I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Let's get the cat blown out
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
