My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
