Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
