Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
