I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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