Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
