You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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