margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
