coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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