but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
