What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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