Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
