Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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