I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
