Kiss
Puke
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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