you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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