you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
