Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
