The maid of honor just puked.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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