I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
