If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
