the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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