you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
