Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
