I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
