I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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