Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
