So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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