I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
