The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
