can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
