So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
