Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
