I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
