I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
