So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
