Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
